


Old Regrets

by suallenparker



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post 2x14, post episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 13:03:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3729928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because Phil doesn't want Melinda to repeat old mistakes, he confronts her about Andrew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Regrets

Many of his regrets revolve around Melinda May. He regretted not asking her out a second time. He regretted never telling her he loved her. He regretted not going in with her in Bahrain.

But this, he wouldn't regret. If you love someone, you set them free, right? He wanted her to be happy. There were so many things in his life he couldn't change or control right now. This, he could do.

As always, she ignored him while she slowly and gracefully went through her Tai Chi routine. He sat down on the sofa in her office that doubled as her private training room and waited for her to finish. It took her half an hour. Once she finished, she grabbed a bottle of water from her desk and turned to him.

“What is it?” she asked, frowning. He hated that she was always so worried.

He tilted his head and grinned. “I'm running this experiment where I try to find my calm through observation. Watching you go through your routine is very relaxing.”

“Little creepy, though.”

He blushed. “I'm sorry, I just didn't want to disturb you.”

Now she grinned too. “Next time, I'll make you join me.”

They smiled at each other.

“Now tell me why you're really here,” she said.

He took a breath. “You should go out more.”

“Another mission?”

“No, on a date.”

She raised a brow. “Are you asking me out?”

He'd love to. He shook his head. “You said you have regrets about Andrew.”

For a moment, she just pressed her lips together and stared at him. Then she sighed.“This is about Skye.”

Shit. He opened his mouth and closed it again. She wasn't wrong and he didn't want to lie to her more than necessary.

He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. “I feel like I'm letting her down.”

Again, she pressed her lips together. “Maybe we are,” she mumbled and sat down next to him.

“I don't know how to fix it.”

“We'll figure it out.” She sounded so convinced, he just wanted to believe her. He had used that tone before too.. He guessed they both were a little desperate in their hopes. He hated that they had to fight so much.

“I don't want to let you down either,” he said and looked at the floor. “You need more than I …” _could give you_. She deserved better than him. Someone worthy. Someone whole. “You should call Andrew.”

She snorted. “Andrew would say you're projecting.”

“Excuse me?”

“If you want to call Audrey, you should call her.”

Could she be any more wrong about it? “This isn't about me.”

“That he would call denial.”

“And you're deflecting.” He looked at her.

She sighed. “I'm not gonna call Andrew.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don't want him back.”

By which she meant she had given up. And he could not let her to that to herself. That would be one regret he wouldn't have. “You deserve a life, May,” he said. “You deserve to be happy.”

She looked at him, with her eyes widened and an expression that was a mix of amusement and sadness. And concern. Always concern. At least when she looked at him.

“I appreciate everything you did for me but …” He sighed. “I'm okay. I haven't had any symptoms ever since we found the city.” As worried as he was about his future, about Skye and Shield, he didn't want her to be stuck in this misery with him. It was too lonely. “I don't want to be your reason to miss out on something good,” he added quietly.

“What happened to Skye isn't your fault.”

He was at least party responsible for it. His visions, his eagerness to get to that city, his failings to defeat Hydra before it came to it. He was responsible for Trip's death too. And he had already consumed so much of Melinda's time. Without her, he wouldn't have made it this far. Without her he already would've lost his mind. But he was okay now and she deserved more than to be his safe-keeper. He loved her too much to let her settle for so little. He cleared his throat. “I think Andrew's still into you.”

She squinted at him. “He has a picture of somebody else on his desk.”

Crap. Shit. He was handling this all horribly! And Andrew was a fool. He had seen how he had looked at Melinda while he had been helping out with Skye. “I'm sorry,” he said.

She shrugged. “There'll always be something going wrong or threatening the survival of the human race.”

“That's a little … melodramatic.”

“You should call Audrey.” she brushed her arm against his. “Or better yet, stop by. Tell her you're alive in person.”

Why were they still talking about Audrey? “I can't do that.”

“What's your excuse this time?”

“It's not an excuse! I'm the director now and I …”

“She'll forgive you for lying. She loves you. You just have to -”

“I don't love her.”

She snorted. “That's denial on a whole other level.”

She really didn't know! He pressed his lips together and pulled his shoulders up. “I don't love her, Melinda. I wish I would. It was so much easier than -” He didn't finish the sentence. Maybe a long time ago something good might've come from confessing his love to her, but now he had nothing to give but secrets and responsibilities and lies.

She squinted at him. “You're serious.”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

He snorted and grinned at her. “Can we talk about your love life for a bit longer? I'm way more comfortable with that.”

She just looked at him.

“Nothing happened.” He shrugged. “I tried to be in love with her, be happy, have a life and all that. When I was with her it worked sort of. Then I died and you came back and now I'm just …” _totally in love with you._ He shrugged again.

She held his gaze until he couldn't bear it any longer.

“Our friendship is very important to me,” he said.

“Your friendship to Audrey?”

“My friendship to you.” He looked at her again, pleadingly. “Can we drop this, please?”

“I love you,” she said quietly. “I regret marrying Andrew because I needed someone. I regret not setting him free sooner. I don't regret leaving him and I love you.” She took a breath.

Something he should do too. Breathing was important. He exhaled. He inhaled. She had said she loved him. Twice. Twice!

“So now you know,” she added and stood up.

Shit. She made a step away from him, before he grabbed her hand, “I've got nothing to give back,” he said quickly and stood up as well. “I'm still a mess, the agency I'm supposed to be running is falling apart because my agents either get killed, betray me or worse and I have to keep secrets and I …” He sighed. “I love you, but I have nothing to give.”

She shook her head and reached up with her free hand to cradle his face. “You're an idiot,” she said and stroked his face with her thumb. Slowly, painfully slowly, she stepped closer and tiptoed. Then her soft lips touched his.

“You're all that I want,” she mumbled against his mouth.

He kissed her. She loved him. And he loved her so much. His arms wrapped around her waist. He loved her so, so much. Maybe he would regret giving them a chance. Maybe again everything would go to hell. Maybe she would come to her senses, change her mind and leave him. But he would regret it more to not give in. He would deal with everything the future would bring. For now he was perfectly content kissing Melinda May.

  
  


THE END.

  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback as always would be highly appreciated!


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